Watching, Waiting
by Fiction C9
Summary: Be careful what you wish for. A true friend watches, waits, until you're ready to accept how things must be. An insight into the reasons behind Shinji/Paul's attitude towards his Pokemon PS: Sequel depending on reviews and my brain's opinion.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon. Never have. Never will. Or Sinnoh would've been made much more bearable.**

**Watching, Waiting**

"Torterra….Torterra…."

His first Pokemon, his first companion, is panting heavily; sweat glistening on every inch of his dark skin. The tree on his back trembles along with his stumpy legs. There is exhaustion in every line of his body.

_Not yet. Not strong enough._

"Torterra, Earthquake. Do it until you get it right."

He doesn't even have to think before controlling his voice now. No emotion. Bland. Cold. Mechanical.

But no matter how hard he tries, he can't hide the bitterness.

_I need you to be strong. I need you all to be strong._

He watches, face carefully indifferent, his Pokemon train. They all look tired, so tired. Their breathing is shallow and ragged, their muscles straining painfully as they repeat attack after attack, defense after defense, combination after combination, until he is satisfied.

He is rarely satisfied.

_I won't let you lose. Not ever. I _can't _lose. If I do…_

"Do it again, you useless Pokemon!"

The Pokemon glance at him briefly before turning back to their toil. In that one moment alone, as Pokemon and master exchange looks, he can see the fear and loathing in their eyes. He knows, had always known, that they hated him, were scared of him, saw him as nothing more than a hard, cruel boy.

All except Torterra. Only Torterra could ever look at him with compassion, understanding, _sadness._ Yes, only Torterra had ever truly had the chance to know him.

* * *

"_Stupid boy. Useless boy. Good-for-nothing boy. Go to hell for all I care."_

_His father's words rang in his head, reverberating inside the fragile cage that was his skull._

_Why was it bothering him so much _now_? _

_It wasn't like this was the first time he had been hit over the head with an empty beer bottle. It wasn't like these were the first insults hissed venomously into ears no longer a child's. It wasn't like this was the first time he had tasted what hell was like and could be._

"_I hate you, kid!"_

_He buried his head in the threadbare blankets spread carelessly over a patch of cold hard floor._

I hate you.

_Yes, he supposed that was why. It was the first time anyone had said that to him._

_Weirdo. Loony loner. Mental kid. Dangerous, don't-go-near-him, dear. _

_He had been called all those and more. But never before, had anyone said those three words to him, right to his face, hissing it in a poisonous voice right beside his ear. _

_And he had meant it. Even though his breath reeked of alcohol at the time. Even though his eyes had been bloodshot and half-mad when he said it._

"_Turtwig…"_

_He felt a familiar head butt his arm playfully. Looking down, drawing the small Pokemon closer beside him, he felt a smile tug at his lips._

"_Turtwig," he whispered, looking into a pair of warm bright eyes, "one day, we're going to get out of here, you and I. We'll go somewhere, do something, become famous. We'll find someone who can look after us, who actually cares. We'll…"_

_He stops, grinning slightly as his small friend opens and closes his mouth in a series of snores. His eyes are closed; his body snuggled close to his master's._

_Shinji turns onto his back, staring out of the skylight in the roof, staring into the deep blue midnight sky outside. As he gazes into the inky darkness, a single streak of golden-white light appears, flashing near, there, and then far-away. Even before he can blink, it's gone. The only light in an otherwise black empty world._

_But even as the shooting star passes beyond his reach forevermore, he knows that it carries with it a single desperate wish._

Set me free. Let me go anywhere but here.

_Everything has a price._

I'll do whatever it takes.

_What you wish for may be the last thing you ever wanted._

* * *

_Stronger. I must be the strongest there ever lived._

"Again, Torterra! Again, Chimchar! Again, the lot of you useless fools!"

Even as he watches, eyes narrowed, face expressionless, he isn't aware of someone else watching. Someone with warm, bright eyes now filled with sadness.

_You want to become strong, strong enough to fend off all the nightmares that reappear every night, no matter how hard you push them away, push everything away until all that you have left is a single burning desire._

_To be strong. Strong so you never have to feel weak and useless ever again. So you never have to care that others hate you with every fiber of their being._

_But…oh, Shinji, don't you realize that to do this, to fulfill that desperate wish of yours, there is so much you must lose?_

_Friendship, happiness, contentment. The ability to dream without that ravenous need within you._

"Torterra, get to work!"

_I'll work, all right, because I know you need me to. But I'll watch too. I'll wait. Wait until you're ready to admit that you're lost. Ready to accept that the sacrifices you must make are too great._

_Ready to admit that you aren't immortal, that even you must feel pain._

* * *

_A true friend is one who believes in you, no matter how many wrong paths you choose, how many mistakes you make._

_A true friend is someone who will always be there. Watching, waiting, until you're ready._

* * *

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcome, even flames if they're constructive.**


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